I woke up panicking again.
But the sheets were cold and stiff like I hadn’t moved all night and I don’t sleep like that i toss and turn and wake up in knots but this time I was still, too still like something had kept me frozen in place
I sat up too fast my vision swam & my stomach twisted, something was wrong, completely wrong.
I reached for yesterday but there was nothing just emptiness like something had been cut out of me clean sharp precise like I wasn’t supposed to notice but I did i felt it.
I pressed my hands against my chest and tried to slow my breathing & that’s when I saw it,
The ink curling against my skin and twisting into a shape I didn’t recognize
my breath snagged, I ran out of bed and nearly tripped dragging my fingers over it , pressing hard but it didn’t smudge, didn’t burn, didn’t even turn red it just sat there settled like it had always been there, like it belonged.
But it wasn’t there yesterday, was it?
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think I must’ve gotten it last night that’s the only explanation I must’ve gone somewhere, done something.
I grabbed my phone and scrolled fast messages, pictures, anything, but the last thing in my camera roll was from two nights ago a blurry shot of the city, no tattoo in sight I checked my notes
a half written grocery list, a reminder to call someone I didn’t even know, no explanation just silence gaps and missing pieces and then,
A flash not a memory, not mine , A girl with her face blurred, A birthday cake candles melting into wax, A hand reaching then pulling back.
I stumbled back against the desk my breath coming too fast and too shallow this wasn’t real. i had to be dreaming. i had to be but I wasn’t
My hands and body were shaking I grabbed a pen and here I am writing, I don’t even know why, I just have this horrible feeling that if I didn’t I would wake up tomorrow with another hole in my head and another piece of me missing
I didn’t remember yesterday
There was a tattoo on my hand that wasn’t there before
I kept seeing flashes of someone else’s life
I didn’t know what was happening to me
But the worst part was, somewhere deep inside, I had this sick sinking feeling that this had happened before and I just didn’t remember.
I don’t know what to do.
